The reason you want [your deceased] back so bad is because you didn’t have to change you at all to love her
You’ve had to make concessions for [who you’re with now] at every turn. She locks you down with shackles on your wrists and ankles to where you have to keep turning and moving and finding new ways to be comfortable
That’s not love
— eq

For me, I just come to a place of recognizing they are who they are.
Who am I to want something different for them?
And stepping out of the way to allow them to do what they are going to do anyways.
And recognizing that I love them just the same, but there comes a place where a healthy relationship can no longer be maintained for either one of us.
They may care in their own way, but I am asking something of them that they are incapable of.
— mal

when you’ve done

all you can

to be there for someone

trapped in a narcissistic

and devaluing pattern

freedom

is realizing this truth

themindsjournalposts:
“When you complain you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness.”
— Eckhart Tolle

start with

accepting the current reality

you’re in the situation

because your choices,

your path, led you here

then seek to understand

your own choices

so you can make new, better ones

julesofnature:
“I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief.”
— Isaac Rowe

her real name

is never anger

it’s grief

or pain

or sorrow

or hurt

the truth

will burn

burn the illusions we chose

we built

to avoid facing the ugly

about ourselves

but there is no growth

without facing reality

seek to understand

pay the price of the pain

the only way out

is through

you will live

trapped

in trivia

until you learn

to let go

to see even the huge things

as small in the context of eternity

and just learn from your past

instead of permanently

camping in it

sit with it

stop running

it just piles up even more

until your choices leave you stuck

and now it’s a mountain to deal with

deal with the feelings

face the truth

the reality

of the consequences of your own choices

accept you made those choices

you were where you were

if you could have done things any differently

you would have

but you didn’t know what you didn’t know

you weren’t where you wish you could have been

forgive yourself for being where you were

forgive those who hurt you, betrayed you,

they were where they were as well

and then when you’ve done this enough

the feelings will fade

because you’ve actually done the work

you’ve processed the feelings

and you will be ready

to let it all go

don’t bury it

work through it

so it just fades away

missing apologies cannot be

the piece that holds you back

your hurt, the wrongs done to you

may never be acknowledged

don’t stay trapped in the past

trying to walk forward

while facing backwards

forgive without needing an apology

for your own freedom

wardy:

face your fears

sit with the feelings

honor them with the time

needed for them to flow through

trace the thoughts behind them

accept that what you fear

may yet happen, however unlikely

make your peace with even the worst case scenario

and then choose

accept the risk

live life as if it’s worth the risk

and live a vibrant life

of courage

onesecondbeforesunset:
I want to say somewhere: I’ve tried to be forgiving. And yet. There were times in my life, whole years, when anger got the better of me. Ugliness turned me inside out. There was a certain satisfaction in bitterness. I courted it. It was standing outside, and I invited it in. I scowled at the world. And the world scowled back. We were locked in a stare of mutual disgust. I used to let the door slam in people’s faces. I farted where I wanted to fart. I accused cashiers of cheating me out of a penny, while holding the penny in my hand. And then one day I realized I was on my way to being the sort of schmuck who poisons pigeons. People crossed the street to avoid me. I was a human cancer. And to be honest: I wasn’t really angry. Not anymore. I had left my anger somewhere long ago. Put it down on a park bench and walked away. And yet. It had been so long, I didn’t know any other way of being. One day I woke up and said to myself: It’s not too late. The first days were strange. I had to practice smiling in front of the mirror. But it came back to me. It was as if a weight had been lifted. I let go, and something let go of me.
— Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

holding on to anger

is like cradling

a poisonous viper

to your chest

process the hurt

that drove the anger

and release the poison

before it consumes you

accept what hurt you

accept whoever hurt you

they were where they were

you were where you were

there is no changing it

there is only acceptance

so you’re not trapped there, forever

forgiveness is for your freedom

a letting go of a way of being

that came out of being poisoned

by holding on to resentment

until you became

bitter