living in now

healing

breakup realizations

For me, I just come to a place of recognizing they are who they are.
Who am I to want something different for them?
And stepping out of the way to allow them to do what they are going to do anyways.
And recognizing that I love them just the same, but there comes a place where a healthy relationship can no longer be maintained for either one of us.
They may care in their own way, but I am asking something of them that they are incapable of.
— mal

when you’ve done

all you can

to be there for someone

trapped in a narcissistic

and devaluing pattern

freedom

is realizing this truth

the “ok” suit is temporary

penbrydd:
Your periodic reminder that in people who have been subject to threats and punishment for having emotional responses or ‘inappropriate’ facial expressions, panic attacks look different.

They may look like the person has become calmer and less involved, dismissive, even. Some people become intensely subservient and silent. Some become catatonic.
Panic doesn’t always involve screaming, crying, and obvious signs of distress. It involves an extreme form of the person’s fear response – which can be altered by circumstance, ability, and what they’ve learnt to fear.
Which is to say, it’s not your place to decide someone isn’t having a panic attack, when they’ve told you that’s what’s happening.

curlyspoonie:
Oh, so that time I just couldn’t move or talk or anything and was basically catatonic was a really thing? Why am I constantly finding out that experiences I’ve had are not just me???

hollowedskin:
See also: being totally fine until reaching somewhere safe like your car, your house or your room.

That also includes seeming totally fine to YOURSELF. The amount of times i’ve been like, oh wow that went better than expected then closed the door and lost my fucking shit while going “but i was fine????”…
it’s a safety thing. you weren’t safe in public to be seen with emotions you could be punished for, and now you are.

genuinely being ok

is not the same

as holding your “ok” suit

together until you’re

somewhere private

apologies may never come

missing apologies cannot be

the piece that holds you back

your hurt, the wrongs done to you

may never be acknowledged

don’t stay trapped in the past

trying to walk forward

while facing backwards

forgive without needing an apology

for your own freedom

detachment peace self deception rabbits now personal responsibility care expectation supply connection weakness path of growth pain self talk cooperation communication self care adapt breathe narcissism reality happiness condemnation persistence self programming acceptance challenges existing reactivity hurt conscious living wisdom breakup suffering meditation self definition personas love processing trauma people pleasing setbacks understanding unstuck attachments definition anger bitterness gratitude consequences worry insanity reset challenge perfection intimacy grounding validation fear freedom insecurity centering attachment triggers choices expectations disqualifying the positive delusion self awareness mistakes perception self knowledge codependency worth response contentment triggered forgiveness feelings choice blind spots complaining progress impermanence compassion self control magnification mindfulness self consciousness boundaries cognitive distortions goals death trust safety counterdependence relationships momentum journey hope control honesty resetting damage respect openness anxiety growth self discovery self acceptance life intrinsic belief authenticity judgment action in your feelings learning externalization solitude suppression failure mindset healing initiative thoughts responsibility isolation denial self love struggle resentment present abundance self forgiveness commitment natural actions attention consistency celebration change appreciation truth lessons strength stumbles subconscious projection destination grief support soul death focus flow convictions vulnerability success accountability toxicity kindness stuck grace self reliance manipulation dependence beliefs
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